Five things I’ve learned in 5 years of Marriage

I’m switching it up a little today in honor of my and Eric’s fifth wedding anniversary, which happens to be tomorrow! You know I love to talk all things fashion, but thought it would be fun to go a little deeper today and share more about life.

Eric and I got married April 26, 2014 on the absolute best day ever. We opted for an outdoor wedding, in April – YES, we are maybe a little crazy.  In Cincinnati, April can be so hit or miss…not to mention WET.  But we fell in love with the park (and ended up buying a house right down the street) and so we decided to take our chances.  The week before our wedding, there were actual snow flurries.  While I still maintain I was not a bridezilla (others may say otherwise), I had an absolute panic and almost ordered blankets for every person in attendance just in case.  We ordered walls to be added to our reception tent as well as heaters because we were so sure it would be freezing.

Someone was looking down on us, because the day of our wedding (just a week after flurries), it was sunny, 75 and GORGEOUS.  The trees and flowers had all just bloomed, creating the most surreal and picturesque backdrop for all of our photos. It was the best day followed by the best night ever.

Needless to say, five years have somehow flown right by us, and a lot has changed for us. Two kids, a new house, new jobs. New adventures, new challenges. I have learned a lot about relationships, marriage, and us in these last five years; read on to learn the top five things I’ve learned in five years of marriage.

 

 

Communication is key.

So everyone says this, right?  Its one of those things that you roll your eyes about when you’re in a fresh new relationship, because duh, of course we know how to communicate.  We talk everyday!  We are best.friends.forever.  But I’ve learned that as time goes on, you get more comfortable. Sometimes, It’s easier to just not have to talk.  It’s easier to just brush your feelings under the rug and then passive-aggressively take it out on your partner.

I’m so guilty of just not wanting to talk sometimes. But when one of us shuts down, so does our relationship. There is an instant barrier, and the longer you let it go, the harder it is to break it down. Talking about things as they come up is so important and it takes work! But 99.9% of the time, when we can communicate honestly and openly, I instantly feel better and our relationship feels stronger than ever.

 

Kids change everything.

Once upon a time, it was just the two of you. You had all the time in the world for fun things, trips, date nights, spontaneously fun things because you have nothing else to worry about!  Life is a dance party featuring the two of you. Then something crazy beautiful happens, and you bring life into this world. A tiny, all-consuming, gorgeous perfect little human being that becomes the center of your universe. Your weekend decisions change from figuring out where to go on date night to who gets to workout today while the other stays home with the baby and clean up all of the toys.  What should we feed the baby? How often? What should we do about our toddler’s temper tantrums? Who is staying home with the sick kid today? Where should we take the kids this weekend? WHY WON’T OUR KIDS SLEEP. I’m so tired.

Kids, kids, kids.  They are the absolute best thing in the entire world and make life so much better. They are exhausting and challenging and hilarious and adorable and all of the things. Being a mom is the best job I have or will ever have and has changed my world 110% for the better. Kids definitely change your relationship and world, which make it so important to make time without them too. [Read on to my next point]

 

Dating is non-negotiable.

Remember how kids change everything? This was one of the bigger changes for us.  Before we had kids, we went on dates every single weekend. Sometime even more than that. It was glorious and I looked forward to it always! Then we had a baby, and then had another within 17 months of the first, and our date nights went from weekly to sometimes less than monthly. And we can both feel the difference when this happens. Its ok to get into a rut every now and then, but its so important to recognize when you’re in a rut and even more important to make an effort to get out of it. Everytime we take the time to schedule a sitter and plan a night out for the just the two of us, I instantly feel our bond strengthen.  We have one on one time to talk (uninterrupted) and it honestly takes me back to the days of just the two of us.

One thing I’ve noticed that helps us stay on top of this is looking for events/experiences in advance and booking them so they are on the calendar. For us, one of our absolute favorite things to do together is go to a concert. A month or so ago, I heard about a concert series at our local venue and bought the package that includes 7 concerts. We now have at least one monthly date night planned from May through September, but I’m hoping to add even more!

 

I am stubborn.

Ok, fine.  I knew this before marriage. But I guess you could say that I’ve become more self-aware as the years of marriage have gone on.  I’m also extremely sensitive, emotional, dramatic, determined, introverted, and just the right amount of crazy [I hope! haha].

Eric, on the other hand, is pretty much the exact opposite (except for determined….he is the most driven and determined individual I know).

• When I am stubborn, he has some magical power of getting me to fold.
• When I’m being sensitive, he gives me the best embrace possible for the perfect length of time.
• When I’m emotional, he laughs first (usually because its during a movie or song or something funny that I turn into tears), then squeezes my hand.
• When I’m dramatic, he puts me in my place. He usually laughs first or at least calls me out, but then brings me back to reality.
• When I’m determined, he lets me soar and encourages me so hard. Seriously, my number one supporter and I’m so thankful he believes in me.
• When I’m quiet or shy, he puts me at ease and finds way to bring me comfort.
• When I’m crazy….well, I’ve got nothing here! Haha, he just deals with this always.

What this all boils down to is that I found my absolute best match.  He is everything that I’m not and knows me better than anyone ever could. He will always be the best decision I ever made. I recognize this more and more with each year of marriage and for that, I am so thankful.

 

Everyday is a choice.

Every single day I have the choice of how my day is going to go.  Every day I wake up and get to decide if I’m going to be in a good mood or an absolute terrible mood. If I’m going to be the sweetest girl you’ve ever met or an absolute jerk. Every day I have the choice to love Eric or not. Yes we are married and yes we agreed upon forever, but people really have the freedom to do whatever they want, right? People change their minds all the time. People promise to love forever, then for one reason or another, it just doesn’t work out anymore.

What I’ve realized is that I have the choice to love Eric and keep loving him. Sometimes we have an off day and flat out just do not see eye to eye on things. But I choose to still love him. And more importantly, he also chooses to still love me. That whole “marriage is work” saying could not be more true, and I’ve realized that you both have to make a very strong concerted effort to make it work and grow. But it all starts with making the choice every day to love each other.

 

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Thanks so much for reading!   I can’t wait to see what the next 5 years have in store for us. If you’re still reading at this point, here are some more photos from our wedding for fun 🙂

xo,